Well, I wanted to take a minute to wish you guys a very happy
Thanksgiving!
I, myself, have been awfully busy getting ready for Thanksgiving. I was up to 2
A.M. last night, and I've been hustling around the house today getting
everything ready. Needed to construct a bed in a bedroom that needed to
also be cleaned. Got the nagging feeling that I will need to contribute
food to this Thanksgiving meal, but I'm dog-tired. But at the very
least, school is done and I won't need to grade anything until after
Thanksgiving.
But behind these sleepy eyes, is someone who is
secretly very excited for all to come. It's going to be a blast and I'm
so happy everything is turning out so well. God is good.
Anyway, I hope you all have a super-duper Thanksgiving. With lots of family, big, loud, and full of love. If you happen to be alone, then I hope you manage to feel this surge of gratitude for all that you have. Whether it be a lot or hardly anything to speak of. Keep loved ones close, and don't let petty things get between you.
It's been an interesting month so far. A lady who has been running this city-wide Thanksgiving meal every year recently passed away. My mom got the opportunity to volunteer to help, so we've been pushing to get enough deserts to serve potentially 1000 people. We were going to get all of the churches involved- but strangely enough they thought it was too short notice, so basically our church has been the driving force in gathering donations. But it's been crazy, we went to Sam's Club(An extension of Walmart) and they gave us a giant cake. Hy Vee, a "nicer" version of Walmart you'll find strictly in the Midwest, apparently does not "donate" food. So we got church money and luckily they were nice enough to pool together all the ice cream from all their local stores and sell them to us. I'm really glad that everything is turning out though, the program this lady put together was envisioned to be a meal the entire community shares. Whether you are homeless or you own a million-dollar house. The only people who aren't invited are those who cannot accept other people.
I think it's an amazing idea. I hope that we all can continue to fill in this one lady's shoes. Few people are willing to sacrifice their time.
I myself won't be eating with them though. I'll be enjoying a meal with my grandmother and my aunts and uncles. I'm tempted to skip, but my cousins are almost all grown up and married off. With my aunts and uncles being grandparents, they kind of like to do their own things and our family get-togethers are growing in rarity.
But that is the great circle of life, isn't it? At least, I hope it is, and it isn't some mutated glob of where our generation is headed with our anti-social behavior.
I hope that our families continue to get big, but I also hope that we don't scatter. I like going to big Thanksgiving and Christmas parties like the ones you see in 90s chick-flicks. I hope they don't ever stop. ((I also hope that I'll meet a guy and get to have the awkward, yet joyful introduction of families. With the soft, warm lights in the background with a big, hearty meal and everything.))
But anyway, enjoy the day, enjoy the parade, and enjoy the meal. (^-*)
Oh! And! Please, be safe on the roads. And don't worry only for your own safety, be considerate of other drivers. I had to do some driving on a one lane highway, and people seriously tried to kill me.
Crazy jerk-butt driver: Oh look, you're behind me! Lets see how slow I can go!
Me: Okies, time to pass you!
Crazy jerk-butt driver: Passing me?! LETS GO NINETY WHILE THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC APPROACHES!!!
Me: If you put a dent on my car w/ 280k miles I will KEEEL YOU!!! *passes*
Crazy jerk-butt driver: Fine, you can be in front, but I can't go the speed limit.(Too fast.) I need to drop to a super slow speed and get another line of people behind me.
e^e
Have a happy Thanksgiving you guys.
(^/\^) \(*o*)/ (~u*)
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Today I was just thinking to myself about ways that I can incorporate more of my life into the world wide web.
Then I remembered this Blurb that I made in 2012, where I was planning to put up several blog posts. Naturally curious of what I wrote a year ago- I went through and read them.
Now 2012 was a weird year for me. It can be bundled into one big period of my life where I was different than I ever was.
I was depressed. I didn't believe I had any reason at all which justified that dark cloud than hung over my head. In a way, as I grew out my hair from a pixie cut, I grew out of this depression.
Truly, the weird part of my life started in the Fall of 2011 and dipped into 2012.
Do I have the best reason of all time to be even remotely sad, no. For one, what makes someone sad is relative, for another, there are orphaned children starving and suffering from aids because some jerkbutt believed that having sex with a virgin would cure them.
For me, it was really the matter of loosing my best friends. Two girls I loved as sisters, and not having any real sister at all, I clung to them probably more than I would have a biological sister. But it was balanced, because they seemed to have mutual feelings toward me.
What threw me for a loop was when they each single-handedly threw their lives into the toilet, used the toilet, then wept in my arms about how awful their lives were. Sure, they didn't cause everything, but no one was forcing them to enter an abusive relationship and no one was forcing them to risk their lives through alcohol poisoning.
I was also completely isolated from support. People who I thought cared about me fairly well abandoned me just because I couldn't be around them so much anymore and I just punished myself. (It didn't really help that the community college I transfered to was full of depressing individuals who believed very strongly that they had no brain and so they were too insecure to use it.
"I'm not going to lie to myself. This is the retarded kids' class and I belong here." - quote from one of my classmates.)
I threw ten pounds out the window because I didn't feel as though I deserved a real meal. I judged myself based on the world's perspective and I valued their opinion over God's opinion- which is really stupid if you think about it. Jesus died very painfully on the cross because I, and you, we are his most valuable possessions. (That's why the Devil is after our souls after all.)
I was so profusely depressed, that I literally watched "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic" because I needed a sugary, happy steroid to keep me from melting.
I got to a tipping point where I was finally about to unleash anger toward God himself, when I hesitated. Wait... God didn't do anything against me. Why am I mad at him? I should be asking him for help.
Right there. That was my wake up call.
From then on, it was time of rebuilding. Rebuilding my relationship with God. Rebuilding my ability to feel emotions again. Rebuilding my ability to converse with others and to initiate interaction.
I wouldn't have minded if those ten pounds had stayed outside the window, but in loosing my ability to justify punishing myself, I didn't have the resolve to keep delicious food out of my reach. As hard as I try to tell myself that I would look better 20 lbs lighter, I don't hate me anymore and I'm too darned positive about myself.
Sure. Nothing was extreme about my case... but that's what made it so deadly. It never seemed serious. I am a ninja. Nobody notices when I disappear because I've always had a quiet demeanor.
Overall, when I look back, it is rather strange. It's as though I'm looking at a child who is pretending to be an adult. I'll probably say the same thing about my present self in the future- but truly, my past self was insane. Everything was urgent. Every little thing sent my world crashing down.
I'm definitely not all grown up yet. But growing up, it's like slowly your mind becomes clearer as you connect more dots, dots you didn't even see when you were younger.
Just makes me wonder what my perspective could possibly be 20 years from now.
(^/\^) \(*o*)/ (~u*)
Then I remembered this Blurb that I made in 2012, where I was planning to put up several blog posts. Naturally curious of what I wrote a year ago- I went through and read them.
Now 2012 was a weird year for me. It can be bundled into one big period of my life where I was different than I ever was.
I was depressed. I didn't believe I had any reason at all which justified that dark cloud than hung over my head. In a way, as I grew out my hair from a pixie cut, I grew out of this depression.
Truly, the weird part of my life started in the Fall of 2011 and dipped into 2012.
Do I have the best reason of all time to be even remotely sad, no. For one, what makes someone sad is relative, for another, there are orphaned children starving and suffering from aids because some jerkbutt believed that having sex with a virgin would cure them.
For me, it was really the matter of loosing my best friends. Two girls I loved as sisters, and not having any real sister at all, I clung to them probably more than I would have a biological sister. But it was balanced, because they seemed to have mutual feelings toward me.
What threw me for a loop was when they each single-handedly threw their lives into the toilet, used the toilet, then wept in my arms about how awful their lives were. Sure, they didn't cause everything, but no one was forcing them to enter an abusive relationship and no one was forcing them to risk their lives through alcohol poisoning.
I was also completely isolated from support. People who I thought cared about me fairly well abandoned me just because I couldn't be around them so much anymore and I just punished myself. (It didn't really help that the community college I transfered to was full of depressing individuals who believed very strongly that they had no brain and so they were too insecure to use it.
"I'm not going to lie to myself. This is the retarded kids' class and I belong here." - quote from one of my classmates.)
I threw ten pounds out the window because I didn't feel as though I deserved a real meal. I judged myself based on the world's perspective and I valued their opinion over God's opinion- which is really stupid if you think about it. Jesus died very painfully on the cross because I, and you, we are his most valuable possessions. (That's why the Devil is after our souls after all.)
I was so profusely depressed, that I literally watched "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic" because I needed a sugary, happy steroid to keep me from melting.
I got to a tipping point where I was finally about to unleash anger toward God himself, when I hesitated. Wait... God didn't do anything against me. Why am I mad at him? I should be asking him for help.
Right there. That was my wake up call.
From then on, it was time of rebuilding. Rebuilding my relationship with God. Rebuilding my ability to feel emotions again. Rebuilding my ability to converse with others and to initiate interaction.
I wouldn't have minded if those ten pounds had stayed outside the window, but in loosing my ability to justify punishing myself, I didn't have the resolve to keep delicious food out of my reach. As hard as I try to tell myself that I would look better 20 lbs lighter, I don't hate me anymore and I'm too darned positive about myself.
Sure. Nothing was extreme about my case... but that's what made it so deadly. It never seemed serious. I am a ninja. Nobody notices when I disappear because I've always had a quiet demeanor.
Overall, when I look back, it is rather strange. It's as though I'm looking at a child who is pretending to be an adult. I'll probably say the same thing about my present self in the future- but truly, my past self was insane. Everything was urgent. Every little thing sent my world crashing down.
I'm definitely not all grown up yet. But growing up, it's like slowly your mind becomes clearer as you connect more dots, dots you didn't even see when you were younger.
Just makes me wonder what my perspective could possibly be 20 years from now.
(^/\^) \(*o*)/ (~u*)
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