Take a Trip Down Memory Lane with Me

I am twenty years old. Yes. Two decades I have been alive. And I am the happiest person in the world to have been born in the early nineties.

What got be thinking about this was me wanting to listen to some chipper music while I was writing. I don't remember exactly where I started but I went from listening to songs from the "Goofy Movie" to listening to "Ghostbusters." Listening to those songs brought back so many memories and I'm sitting here thinking... wow these poor children's childhoods are so... depressing.

I'm not saying that if you were born after the nineties that your childhood sucked- just that from my point of view... it really doesn't compare.

Now I do have a bias to begin with because that is the time that I was raised but I must insist, there are some things that you are missing out on.

There are two main things that I feel are effecting the quality of material presented to our current youth.

For one, we have the tendency to not value intelligence- that or ignore its existence. I was shocked when I helped out at church for the kids Sunday School program when the teacher had to say, "One two three- eyes one me!" to get the kids to be quiet and sit still. To me it sounds like a command you give a dog. When I was a kid at church and the kids weren't paying attention the adult would raise his hand to get our attention and say something along the lines of, "Guys, you are not showing respect for so and so. You need to sit still and listen."

Worked for us. I could go on and on with that subject but maybe I'll save that rant for another day.


The other is everything is geared toward adults. We took a kids TV show and turned it into a huge action packed porno film(Transformers). I know some people will hate me for saying that but I won't be anything but honest on the subject. Whatever happened to movies like Star Wars or Jurassic Park? Action films that have little to no swear words, sex wasn't shoved in anyone's faces, and some violence. Side note, Jurassic Park was intended to be a thriller, not a family movie. I'm not saying oh no! Ban sex and vulgarity from movies! I'm just saying that for majority of movies its really not all that necessary. Kids don't have a lot peer role models. Its not cool to be a kid, everyone wants to be an adult because adults don't have rules. We tell our kids they can't drink until their 21 and they know that it really isn't a perfect rule. Someone who is sixteen and has the ability to drink responsibly will get into more trouble than a twenty-two year old who drinks themselves into a stupor and gets themselves and the people around them hurt in the process. Point is, we've created adulthood into some sort of club and the kids can only see the unfairness of not being included. So be quick to be grown up because only cool people are in the adult club.


Take our cereal for example; when was the last time it ever changed- besides becoming "healthier?" When I was a kid Captain Crunch was off making new versions of their cereal every few years. Peanut Butter Crunch, Crunch Berries.

One year Captain Crunch mysteriously vanished and we kids had to solve the mystery as to where he is. A small computer game was made out of the end of the puzzle that I sometimes get out and play today.

The rabbit from the Trix cereal has been going on with the "Silly Rabbit- Trix are for Kids!" for about two decades... if not longer.

I feel like... we've completely lost that sense of innocence and adventure. They tried to bring it back with Super 8 but the tone of the flick was still geared toward adults(don't get me wrong, I LOVE that flick). I'm not saying slap Cinderella's Perfectly Perfect World onto these films... but whatever happened to going out to sea not because some horrible thing is about to happen but just because we wanted some gold? Go wherever the wind may take us just for the sake of having an adventure.

If you'd like an example of capturing an adventure a kid would have go watch something from Studio Ghibli. That wonderful man has got it down. Though note that if you aren't a little sensitive to cultural differences you're going to think his movies are either slow, weird, just plain creepy, or all of the above.


What if we made a movie that was full of excitement, adventure, and a little bit of surprising humor*? Something that gets kids dreaming and it not being just about what they'll be when they grow up. Lets get pet dragons and race them- not having kid-gladiator fights to the death.

I think that we've just lost our childhood and no longer know how to relate to kids. I'm probably exaggerating a little bit but I really do miss those David and Goliath stories. Movies like Pollyanna staring one kid who changed a whole town for the better instead of starring a kid who is trying to find their place in school.

It wasn't all perfect though... Batman did save a man from "boiling acid" and you were supposed to take the scene seriously.

Hahahaha boiling acid.

 Well... I think I've rambled enough for one day. I might go watch some animaniacs or something..

If I've inspired some memory lane I'd love to hear about it! <3

Until next time--- BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUH! <3 <3 <3 <3

*I'm talking about you watching a film that is taking itself seriously then suddenly something ridiculous and awesome happens like two men having a button busting contest(by flexing muscles). Usually scenes like these happen in movies that show a long progression of time with a warm, cheery beginning, something happens that takes away happy days like war or someone dies or someone moves, then ends with something bittersweet that kind of looks back at the "good old days" from the beginning. Love movies like that.

Megumi the Blackhole of Meaningless Depression

So if you've been watching my videos on Youtube... you'll notice a decrease in the number of videos that I've been posting. I used to post every week, but lately I've only been posting monthly and that's to update the growth of my pixie cut.


Well I haven't given up on my dream of have a ton of fun making/posting videos... if anyone was wondering about that....


But to be honest... I've been super depressed. Which to many is odd.


It's one of those spiral depression things. Something upsets me and I start guilt tripping myself which makes me feel worse. "Your best friend is having real issues and all you can think about is how you had to clean the bathroom?!"


So as I beat myself up, trying to tell myself that I have nothing to feel bad about... I also start listing things that make me feel bad.


No one would notice if I just melted away... I don't have my license yet... I'm not doing anything with my life... I don't have a job... I've never been kissed...

Self pity party-- Yaay!

A few days ago, my two besties were having a ranting spree about their issues. How so and so wronged them and such and such keeps happening, and I'm sitting there, feeling upset as well, trying to express how I had an anxiety attack the other day. They both snapped at me, not exactly saying it but their meaning was known. I really had nothing to complain about in comparison.

Back to my corner of self abuse. Thinking about taking on cutting to punish myself... Not really. I would probably do taxes as punishment than cut myself.



I'm sitting there trying to figure out why I'm so depressed and anxious when it hits me. The pattern becomes clear.


Sure I've got a few rough spots, but one of the reasons why I'm so down is because I'm just like this alien from Doctor Who.

Well... kind of... sort of....

Maybe a little less.... lumpy.


Basically this villain is an Abzorbaloff. He "absorbs" people and aliens and eats their memories/experiences... basically he consumes their soul.


ANYHOOT


Like the Abzorbaloff, I absorb things. Specifically I absorb the feelings of people around me. If my friends aren't happy- I'm not happy. Plain and simple as that.

It's hard to sit next to a friend who's telling you about how horrible their life is at the moment and all you have to say about yours is... "well I've got an 103% as an over all grade in my Art History and Appreciation class..."

I guess it's really just me trying to relate to them so that I can tell them, "I know it's hard right now but it'll get better!"

Maybe in a way I'm lowering my standards, my "status" so that I can help them.

So maybe I've got to find that Chipper self and find a new way to help my friends.


I am feeling a lot better. Despite that huge paper that's due tomorrow. I took a huge chunk of work that I need to focus on off my "to do" list for the week and I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. :)



In all honesty I really have been stressed. But summer is almost here and that lake is calling my name!!

So basically... when I feel even better... more video and blog posts are looking your way. ;)

Entomophobia

It seemed like only yesterday I was staring shocked at a test result I took on Facebook. I took it like a smarty-pants and expected it to tell me that I had no phobia. Well it told me I had Entomophobia. I was so confused. You see- I wasn't that little girl who ran away from all bugs of all sorts. I loved them. I collected rolly pollies and felt terrible when my cousin showed me how to make my hands glow with a dead firefly. It wasn't just those. I loved crickets, frogs, toads, worms, snails, butterflies, lady bugs, preying mantises, and even some spiders. I know many of those aren't techically bugs- but it's close enough for a kid.

There were always those few insects that I just could not stand, spiders that looked mean and anything that would bite or sting me. 

Since then I've had quite a few experiences with bugs that have created this phobia in me.

One event was the "Year of the Spiders and Wasps" as I like to put it. At my house we seem to have a multitude of different species every year. One year we had millions of Vietnamese lady bugs, another we had a million frogs, and another example would be those rare blue tailed lizards that hide under our porch. This particular year we had a million spiders and a million wasps. Their home base was our wrap around porch. You literally could not walk outside without fear of walking into those large spiral webs. Orbed Spiders mostly were our invaders, but we found probably fifteen black widows on our porch that summer.

It also just so happened to be a year that our dryer broke down and we were hanging our laundry on the porch to air-dry. I actually broke down in tears when I found a huge spider on a shirt I was folding. 

An interesting side note- spiders and wasps are enemies. All of those black widows we found on our porch were dead. We were very curious about the cause when we caught the culprit in the act. The wasps were literally stinging the spiders to death. 

So I sided with the wasps that year, I figured they were the lesser of the two evils.

The moral of the story is, when spiders create traps that will cause them to fall on your head and crawl down your back you tend to develop a phobia. I know that the fear of spiders is a different phobia altogether- but it increased my fear of other bugs as well.

I've been home alone, in a panic with a vacuum cleaner, trying to kill the wasp so that I could do whatever I needed to do in that room. 

But I'm not just afraid of the obvious villains. I've also come to fear other bugs, bugs that people would never dream of fearing.

One of these would be the Crane fly. I know, I know they aren't giant turkey mosquitoes.. but I really can't imagine anything else. I fear they've come to get me and they're going to bite like a horse fly. Also a bit fearful of them because they tend to crash land onto my face while I'm trying to snooze.

The one that I've been trying to forget- for the sake of my reputation- is the butterfly. The Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly to be exact.

There I was, minding my own business, when I saw a butterfly with an injured wing. She couldn't fly on her own, so fascinated I decided to pick her up. I handled her carefully, knowing that I couldn't touch her wings- even if she was going to die anyway. I watched lovingly as she nuzzled my thumb. All of a sudden, as I was watching the nuzzling, I felt a pinch exactly where she was "licking" In a panic I shook her off my finger and since then have been very... cautious around butterflies. 

How NOT to Deal with Depressed People

So I've poked the design button... and set it up so that it is more in tune with my tastes and then something along the lines of this happened.



ME: I want to put the same background I use on my Youtube page for this!! :D

Blogger: It's tooooo biiiiguh! D:

ME: D: OOKIES I CAN FIX! :D -goes to gimp to change file type-

Blogger: Uh-uh... -_- Still too big.

ME: D: I CAN FIX!! :D -Changes Resolution-

Blogger: Tooooo big.

ME: D: D: D: D: -Edits file again-

Blogger: :|

ME:  :O

Blogger: Too big

ME: DAMN IT!




So out of frustration I continue to alter smaller things like font color, font style, size, alignment and I get it to a point that I kindofsortoflikebetterthanwhatwasusedindefault and saved.

I admire my hard work and leave. When I return things have resorted to the same default.


Throw in the durned towel. :P




ANYWAY



How NOT to Deal with Depressed People, From a Person Currently Depressed.


I know, you would have never noticed with my chipper writing style... I'm just that way. There was a test that I've been unable to taken and recently have been avoiding. I should have taken it when I was sixteen- I'm assuming that you can figure out what kind of test it is.


Vroom


Vroom



I don't know what happened to me, but I think I have a serious phobia of taking the test. I finally took it for the first time(I'm nineteen and have been driving since I was fifteen) and couldn't complete it due to a traffic violation. I didn't come to a "full" stop when turning right on red. The lady was very nice and told me that I was most probably going to pass it the next time I go in for the test... she didn't know how emotionally damaging it was for me. I've lost all confidence and I'm not going to talk about it to any one person that I know because they will all do the following things I'm going to write about.

I'm currently over dosing on My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic to keep myself from just dying.





And I'm starting to see ponies in the trees.....








ALRIGHTY

In no particular order...

Number one:: When the person is emotionally dying, do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT
tell them to compare their problems with someone else's. Starving children from Africa, someone you know who's getting a divorce, someone's lifelong animal companion(pet) dies, someone loosing their grandmother.... et al. 

WHY?


Because this is going to be that depressed person's thought process:

I feel terrible. What kind of sick person are you? You're crying over a burnt pizza while your best friend's cousin is suffering from cancer! You are a terrible, disgusting person who doesn't deserve to have a nice pizza! WHY AREN'T YOU ENJOYING YOUR FLAWLESS LIFE?! STOP BEING DEPRESSED, YOU MONSTER!!! -continues abusing self, causing one to fall into a deeper depression-


Instead, focus on the terrible that the person you are talking with is dealing with. They're obviously having enough trouble dealing with that- why add to it?


Number two:: If the person is suffering from a depression due to a failure, DO NOT add to the list of things they did wrong!!



DEPRESSED PERSON: I can't believe I made that pie wrong! I never do anything right! D: D: D:

PERSON: Next time you should put sugar in it.

DEPRESSED PERSON: You're right! I'm so stupid.... what kind of person could forget the sugar in a pie?! ;-;


Someone who is having a "life is being a butt" moment within their existence, they've already found too many flaws about themselves. If they are literally having a melt down because of how ever many flaws they have thought of, why are are you bringing more up?!



Number three:: If you are in a public place and the depressed person looks like they're about to have a melt down and won't answer you when you ask what is wrong, wait until you leave the area to a more private location.


Your person is probably very aware of the fact that they are in an emotional distress and are bottling it up until they can get some place where they won't be seen. No one wants to cry in public. They might be struggling to contain it to the point that answering your question will result in them spilling it all out.. in front of everyone. Which would make things embarrassing and causing your person to feel more like an idiot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are only a few of things that people can do that actually send that person who was trying to not be depressed  into a depression cycle.

I'm not saying it's all on you to make them feel better, but by being aware that something you think might be helping them, might be too much or too soon for them to digest in a healthy way.

Some people are bipolar and maybe they just react to these situations differently than I do. But for dealing with very sensitive and self-judging type person, these three things can send a spark of dissatisfaction into a desolate confidence.

It's like dominoes, that person sets them up with security blankets mixed with areas where they are confident. When they loose one security blanket, they might end up questioning everything that makes them valuable.


A side note- if you ever have been in that downward spiral- try to catch what thought processes make you feel worse and kill it. If you tend to pull out that list of all your failures when something happens, counter it with the list of things that you did right. There is a point where you should feel bad when you do something wrong, but if it's a depression that lasts for a long period of time and only gets worse, you are probably being too hard on yourself.


It's *a lot* harder recovering from something that emotionally devastated you on your own, but it is possible. You just have to be aware of the signs that lead you down those dark paths.


I hope this helps my fellow "overly sensitive about a part of their life" type, and anyone who knows them. Depression doesn't always need a pill, it needs love and grace.


Keep me in your prayers, I'll need it. C:


See you all next time!

Relationships, and What I've Learned

Growing up in high school- I always figured that I would be dating some guy at least once in my life- so I decided to prepare myself. My church provided a Bible study following the book, "Guys like Girls Who..." by Chad Eastham, among other great Bible studies, I felt this one gave the best general advice about guys. At the time anyway.

It gives great advice and I still go by what it reads, but it didn't cover everything. Actually it implied that you shouldn't think about dating and just live your life normally and wait for Mr. Right to find you. This is what I've come to disagree with.


Maybe I should elaborate.


I have only had two major "crushes" in my life. The first was this guy that seemed to be perfect. I loved what he had to say at church, I became friends with his whole family before I knew they were related, and I found out that he was an artist also. I was concerned though, he had a lot of girl friends. Not girlfriends, a friend that happens to be a girl. And they were always flirtatious around him. Feeling like he would never approach me and sweep me off my feet, I finally called him and asked to come over. He said yes, thankfully, and sounded excited. When I finally got there it became very awkward. It was like he expected me to be the man in the relationship and lead the whole thing. He wasn't going to give me anything and we never really hung out again. He continued to lead me on though, giving me attention then ignoring my existence. There was a point that I seriously thought he was finally going to see the light an ask me out, because we were at a dance and he was being a little forward in a good way. After that he stopped giving me anything and a month later I found out he started dating one of his girl friends.

What else could I do? I forced myself to stop liking him and murdered the crush. But I was like a kid with a butcher knife. I didn't know how to do it cleanly and I ended up hacking at my self confidence while I was at it.

The next guy that I liked it was even worse. I don't think that we exchanged two words between us. But it was one of those they obviously find you attractive, just not enough to make any moves. I couldn't talk to him and the whole thing turned into some weird obsession with a stranger. To this day I'll probably be sweet on him, but for the most part I've forgotten him.

Now I have also had two, well three if you count the kid from the fourth grade, guys who were interested in me. The first guy was my first real friend from college. He was there the first day to help me carry my stuff. He was the kind of guy you would end up spending hours just talking. It was nice because we got along really well. I even considered dating him, but I saw some red flags so I decided to keep it at friends length. The first red flag was that he was a senior and I was a freshman, in college. This meant that after this year he was leaving to go pursue a job. I was just starting college, I wasn't sure if I even wanted a relationship, especially one with a guy who was going to be gone soon. Long distant relationships can work; but I feel like they need some foundation first. He might have been able to persuade me into dating him anyway, but as he started liking me liking me, I started liking him less. He was insecure about his appearance so he would beat himself up in front of me, so naturally I would compliment him. Then he would smother me to the point it was ridiculous, five phone calls to see if I'm going to lunch is just a little bit creepy. Then the final thing was that he loved drama. He would literally force me into situations in which I got hurt just so that he could come as my knight in shining armor and rescue me. That's not right.


The second guy didn't get as close, but he was a druggie and was moving out of state in the coming semester. I didn't really give him a chance and during one of the last times I saw him I found out he was kind of an ass.


So here's my point. Through these four guys, I found that everyone, including myself were trying to take things too seriously too soon. And I probably missed out on some good guys because I didn't have the guts to talk to them.

I became frustrated because no one was approaching me. It drove me insane because I thought that if I were to approach them, I'd be too easy and he wouldn't work for me. Like my first experience with a guy. Seriously, it's like talking to a wall when the guy wants you to do everything.

But I think that this semester I finally found the trick. It won't get you a boyfriend instantly, but it will get you on the right track. Ok here it is.


Are you ready?




Are you sure?



Because it'll require you to grow a backbone.








TALK TO GUYS.



Even if you don't like them, just get used to talking to them and being around them. Try to avoid a school girl crush where you obsess with them and can't talk to them. If you can't talk to them, that's a very bad sign. How in the world are you going to create a relationship with someone you can't even talk to?

To beat the point to the ground, let's turn the tables.


You are in the presence of a guy that you think is interesting. No real sparks yet, but there could be. In fact you are so curious and interested in him that you decide to talk to him. But a problem comes along. He becomes unresponsive and won't talk to you. You can tell he wants to but he just can't do it.

Lets say you call it the cute card and decide to pursue him anyway. You become in charge of the whole relationship. If you want to go out to diner you have to make it happen because he's too scared to try. You introduce him to your friends but he's too shy to get to know them. He perks up when you start a conversation he's comfortable with but won't provide anything new.

How is this relationship going to end?

Relationships need to be balanced. Yes it's the man's job to lead, but not to rule. A guy would find a girl who behaves this way just as unattractive as you would. Healthy relationships want guys and girls who are balanced and are equals- and I'm not talking physically. I mean two people who can sit down and talk for hours. Who can laugh at each other's jokes and really understand each other.

This is where you should put yourself. And if you're not fretting about the guys you're around, your face will show it. Try making eye contact and smiling at strangers. It really gives off that friendly-I'm-not-going-to-kill-you-if-you-talk-to-me vibe. You would be surprised at some of the people you thought were intimidating were just having a bad day.

If a guy starts talking to you, be responsive and add input. If he's talking about the test and how easy it was- tell him honestly how to felt about it. If he thinks your and idiot because you felt like you flopped it- then he's not the guy for you. Avoiding that high school crush will help you not be too sensitive when the guy isn't that interested in you. It stops feeling like your entire future depends on if this guy likes you or not and starts feeling like it should. Casual.

Do you see the difference between being slutty, being friendly, and isolating yourself?

I've made a resolution to be more open and get as close to having a boyfriend as possible this year. If I don't get a boyfriend I won't be too disappointed because I only want to try and make myself available. And honestly this new tactic is working. I've got random guys approaching me and talking to me. This didn't really happen for me before. I hope that one of them turns out to be a guy that I like and fits within my standards, because boy am I ready to start dating.

After the first few times of having conversations with guys it really does become a less of a deal. And I don't have to worry if one guy turns out to be someone I don't want to date because I have options and can slide them from possible romantic interest to acquaintance/friend.


I really hope that this helps. I know a lot of people are scared or don't want to throw their shy-but-cute card out the window. So don't. You can be a little shy and you can be a little scared, just not to the point that you are unable to interact with the guy.


See you guys later!

Alright, so I decided that I would indeed start an actual blog.

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!


Hello all! First of all, lets get introductions out of the way! You all can call me Meg, Megumi, or even, dare I say it, Megumigoose. I started down my path down blogger's ville after I discovered v-logging on Youtube. I started my own casual V-log and it's doing well. My only problem is that sometimes I want to sit down and write a few pages of something. Go into depths. I suppose I could do this in a V-Log, but the attention span is shorter when it comes to videos. I try to make all my videos two minutes and thirty seconds at the most. I love V-logging and I enjoy the energetic feel of it all, I just think that I might also enjoy blogging.

A side note, I also LOVE writing so this is an opportunity to see if I enjoy it enough for it to be a career of mine. Don't misunderstand though, I'm not here to make money. My life is boring as a slug watching a tree grow. I just want to see if I love writing enough to maybe write a book, or pursue a writing based career like journalism or advertisement.

To be completely honest, I'm looking more into maybe becoming an art teacher or just open up a studio in my basement and paint for a living.


I'm trying out my options before I become completely dedicated myself to any single thing. I think I beaten this point to the ground, lets move on.


I'm considering posting journals and papers that I write for school up here, so that you guys can discuss some of these topics. They can be really interesting.

Fun fact that I randomly thought of:: Today in my geology class(rock science), I impressed everyone in that classroom. I mean that cool moment when everyone becomes silent and turns and looks at you with amazement. They all suddenly have high respect for you and you can feel the pressure to uphold this new reputation of being AWESOME pounding you into a squashed banana.
Can you imagine what I could have done? I was able to identify concrete. My teacher looked so relieved. One sane person in his classroom.

It's hard to remember that you are a college student when you are put into classrooms like this one. It's still early in the semester, maybe it will actually become challenging.



Even now, as I'm typing this, I'm plotting topics that I want to discuss. And I think I've finally figured out what I'm going to talk to you lovely people about. I think I'll talk about school and what being an adult means.

One quick little, teeny tiny thing before I go... If you are at all interested in hair and fashion, specifically a pixie cut and getting rid of one... I'm growing out mine and I'm a few months in. I created it because I couldn't find good examples of other people doing it and it's catching on. I guess a lot more people were interested in this than I was.

So if you're growing your hair out, or are considering what you may have to go through if you don't like your new hairdo- feel free to check it out over.... HERE!!

Goodbye person, I hope you have a wonderful day. c: